Getting Unstuck
Ever feel like you’re just holding onto anything solid to not get blown around by the changing winds of expectations, responsibilities, and priorities?
These past couple weeks in my Co-Active coaching certification I‘ve been practicing my skills teaching clients how to change their perspectives to get unstuck. It’s about showing our clients that they have choices, even in situations that seem the most buttoned-up and locked-in. And it’s freeing to see that you do have options. Sometimes it takes acknowledging that you’re looking at your current situation through a particular lens that may open your eyes to the full range of choices available to you.
For example, let’s take the classic “I hate my job“ as a reason someone may come to a coach. There can be many reasons for why this is, and so it can be useful to think of the job as a metaphor to give some more information on how the job is being perceived.
Let’s say our client is Fran, and she says she feels like she is in a tornado… that she is being buffeted by so many winds of changing responsibilities that she doesn’t even know which way is up, which direction is the correct one to proceed. There is also a lack of clarity, and a sense of weightlessness and disorientation. She doesn’t even have time to breathe since the forceful winds around her are so strong, constant, and changing.
One coaching technique is to invite the client to shift into a different perspective. A strategy I use is to switch the perspective into something completely different, even random. This opens up the brain to creativity and allows the client additional freedom and insight by getting out of their head and out of their regular routine and thought patterns.
As the coach, I invite Fran: “Instead of being a person stuck in a tornado, let’s say you’re a bird. … How does being a bird feel? What comes up for you?“ I even invite Fran to move her arms like a bird to really get into the mindset that she is no longer a person in a tornado, but rather an entirely different species, where the former rules and expectations don’t apply.
“I find myself riding the air currents. And I’m able to fly really high up, so high that I’m able to look down and see all this weather below me. … I actually don’t even need to stay in this storm; I can go wherever I want.” Interesting insight from a shift in perspective!
“Looking at your current job with the perspective of being a bird, how does that look to you? What is your intuition?” She responds, “I think I could be more flexible. I usually resist a lot of external pressures and demands, but I think as a bird I could just ride along with the air, knowing I’ll actually still be graceful and calm, even though I’m still moving around the storm quickly, and maybe even faster than before.”
This is already giving Fran some good insight, but we can have some fun with another, completely different perspective.
“Let’s change our perspective now. … What do you have on your desk right now?” I ask. Fran looks around and says, “ I have a piece of chewing gum…?”
”Perfect!” I say. ”Tell me about it.”
“Well… I always have chewing gum with me. I used to smoke and I replaced that with chewing gum years ago.” I ask her to tell me more about the gum itself. “It’s pink and bubble gum flavor. Sugar-free. It’s in a foil wrapper.“
”Pick up the gum. How does it feel holding it? … How does it smell? … You can chew it as well … What is that experience like?” Fran chuckles. “It’s funny, because I have this resistance to chewing gum in front of you. I’ve always been told that it’s rude. But I find it freeing to be given the permission to do it. … Hmm… As I chew, I’m reminded of my grandmother. She used to always have little candies with her.”
“What would your grandmother say to you now?” I blurt out. (Sometimes intuitive nudges come up when coaching.)
Fran stops chewing and becomes reflective. “What’s coming up for you?” I ask. Fran ponders. “She would say that I have always been a people pleaser. She said when I was a little girl that I would always want to make the people around me happy, but that I‘d often become tired and grumpy by the end of the day.”
Gently, I ask, “With everything you’ve experienced since we’ve started chewing the gum… how does this inform your view on your job?”
“My grandmother would tell me that I need to focus on my own responsibilities, and that other people will be fine without my help or my advice. I don’t need to be bailing everyone else out of their problems. In fact, it may be disempowering them from learning and growing in their own positions. A lot of my stressors may be coming from me piling more and more onto my own plate.”
Fran received some interesting insights from this short coaching session. Besides her current perspective of being stuck in a tornado, she now has the gift of two additional perspectives (being like a bird and riding the currents and/or flying above the storm; the advice of her grandmother to not spend her energy on pleasing others). Fran has the choice to choose whichever perspective she most resonates with as far as how to look at her current job. Armed with this insight, Fran can then choose what she is going to do, as well as how she is going to BE.
This is only a portion of one technique that I use in my coaching. If you would like to experience this power of shifting perspectives for yourself, chat with me! I am accepting more clients and I’m offering reduced rates while I’m in certification. Visit my booking page at https://partners.simply.coach/steve-calcavecchia. Have the courage to make a change, and to grow.